onsdag 12 november 2014


Det finns så mycket som ligger dolt under ytan.
Och sakta men säkert så drunknar jag.
Mina lungor fylls av tjära, olja och bensin.
Kolsvart.

Små plåster sätts över allt för stora sår.
Hjärtat dunkar,
Sydda sår spricker.
Hjärtat slår.
Läkande sår rispas.
Hjärtat hamrar.

Allt jag har kvar är billiga ord och meningslösa gester.
Så småningom kommer jag stå tomhänt.
Blek och förstörd.
Men jag förtjänar det.
Det är bättre så.

måndag 13 oktober 2014



I can't come up with them anymore,
Words I mean.
I'm all out, trying to speak in silence.

I wanna scream, but what for?
I wanna cry, but still why?
All I can do is paint,
Try to erase the pain.

The black colour over the words I once wrote.
Because they mean nothing anymore.
You won't read them, and even if you did.
You would not understand them anymore.

If feel a raging storm inside.
A nervous breakdown.
I haven't felt in years.
I hate this,
All of it.

The darkness, the black ink floods out over the table.
No words to be seen.
And everything I ever felt for you,
Is slowly vanishing,
With a touch of regret.




fredag 5 september 2014




Verkligheten blir aldrig som den en gång var, 
Och förmodligen av en anledning.
Samtidigt som jag hoppas du aldrig läser mina brev eller poesier,
Hoppas mitt hjärta, djupt inom mig att du ser.
Bortglömda ord och visor.

Jag vet, vet än idag.
Att du var rätt för mig.
Alla säger emot, att du ändrade mig, att jag blev en dålig människa utav dig.
Men varför gråter jag ibland?
varför ser jag bara lycka i dina ögon?
Varför älskar jag dig än?
Du var min regnbågsflicka. 
Din storm till mitt lugn.
Din eld till mitt vatten. 
Jag har gett upp på lyckan och de som andra säger.
Min lycka finns än för dig, hos dig.
Och även om mina ord inte når dig,
Om inte våra händer möts, 
Så vet jag att du förstår.

Så länge mina lungor bär.
Och så länge mitt hjärta pumpar,
Så slår det för dig,
Du med dina tusen stjärnors ögon.
Och känslor av eld.
För det finns då ingen,
Som har fått mitt liv så betydelse fullt som du.

Jag minns dig, och tänker på dig.
Vi som är blott ett minne,
För varandra.



onsdag 23 april 2014


Jag måste få skriva en sista gång, ge ett försöka att forma ord och meningar. 
För det första, Hej. Det var länge sedan vi sist sågs, men jag vet att du minns mig.
Till höst faller min tid här på 22 år, och tiden går snabbare än vad vi kan förstå.
Intresserad inom musik och bild, tidsfördriv genom spel och film. Fantasin sätter mina gränser.
Jag självgående, rätt melankolisk människa. Jag lider av depression och det vägrar gå över. 
Folk ser mig som hängiven och trevlig person. Att de älskar min vänliga sida.
Jag ser mig som ett monster. Fast på fel sida av spegelglaset. 
Försöker le och vara lycklig så gott det går, för eran skull.
Jag har aldrig varit duktig på teater förut. 

Idag tar jag mig igenom det vardagliga. Arbeta på som vanligt.
Få livet att se ljust ut, att göra det bästa av varje dag.
Ibland lyckas jag. Oftast inte dock.
För det lilla kreaturet, monster av olycka sitter stolt på min axel.
Tränger ner mig mot marken och kväver mig så fort den får chansen.
Den ger mig minnen av bättre tider, bara för att kunna bränna upp minnena.
För att få mig att minnas, Du har inget kvar längre.

Det finns få människor som än ser mig, Som ser att jag kanske inte är så lycklig som jag säger. 
Jag håller de kärt. Så gott det går. För många har jag mist och många lär jag aldrig se igen.
Kärlek gör ont. Kärlek är hopplöst. För tillslut så bleknar den bort.
Och du står ensam kvar.
Och jag lovar, jag gör mitt bästa för er, för dig!
Jag vill så gärna vara stark.
Jag vill överleva!
Men jag ser inte hur det ska gå till.

Bara att skriva om hur jag mår, hur det känns börjar bli ett helvete.
Och jag vet inte vart jag ska ta vägen.
För vem är jag nu egentligen? Jag är känslokall. Jag är bortom reparation.
Jag tror inte jag vill lösa det den här gången. För tillslut kommer jag tillbaka ändå.
Om du skulle läsa det här, hoppas jag du glömmer det, Och inte ser tillbaka.
För det är ändå ett slags farväl.










tisdag 22 april 2014

fredag 7 mars 2014

torsdag 6 mars 2014


Sista blosset är draget.
Hör och häpna,
Vi i världen är beväpna.
Vräk kungen ur tronen,
Döda mannen,
I namnet Nationen.

Signalera kulle och berg,
Nu målar vi landet i färg.
Tapperhet ligger på gator och på torg,
Aldrig mer känner pessimisten sorg.
För dödsviljan finns inte mer,
Inte där människan i alla fall ser.

Ärligheten vara längst säg det.
Jag önskar vi kunde se från min blindhet.
Jag älskar dig fortfarande min vän,
Men alla vet att jag kommer se döden igen.
Vi kommer glida isär,
Frågan är bara när.



  

onsdag 5 mars 2014



Winter is changing, soon enough spring will be here again.
I have been down for as long as I can remeber.
And for once I feel normal.
Like a different person, I am ready to go for a walk.
Take one step at the time.
Maybe love again?

Everything burns to ashes,
And memories fades with the day.
I was a dreamer on the run.
But it is time I let go of you.
And everything else thats been in my way.
In the way for me to understand, to heal, to grow.

I will keep one thing,
A memory of you and me. 
back in may 29th.
A moment of silence.
And an embrace of eternity.




I am happy for you, it seems that you have finally forgotten completly.
From friend to lovers to strangers.
And at last, gone.

For the moment I live in a world of fantasy.
Spare me humanity,
Save me from reality.

I am so sorry.
But I can't keep the promise I made you.
I won't call you this time.
I won't answer.




tisdag 4 mars 2014


Where you and I can still see each other.
It seems like I am dreaming.
Lost in my own imagination.
But please,
Let me believe a while longer.
I need it..

måndag 3 mars 2014


Most of the time I feel normal.
Nothing to worry about, just a person like any other.
I can even see myself happy at times.
That is until I get the feeling of lonliness.
Later at nights when everyone else leaves.

I start to feel restless, staring in the wall or out the window.
I try to calm myself, but everything just picks up the pace.
Get up and start walking around at two meters square.
Bearthing gets nearly impossible.
I try to read, watch a movie or play.
Sometimes it works, I wish it was more often.
I try to open my mouth, speak with someone in the world.
But it needs to be the right person in the right time.
Or it will end with me, paralyzed with fear for the world.
Pushing myself up the corner of my room,
Afraid of what kind of monster I have inside my mind..

Mostly it's okay, until the moment I start to inflict physical damage.
I scratch and hit soft spot on my body, leaving bruises.
I can cut and rip apart skin, tear away what little layer of humanity I have left.
But pain is the only way for me to realise I am still alive.
I don't see another way out when I am so deep down the hole.

At last, if I don't feel to destory my own body.
I always have the thoughts deep inside.
What would happen if I just fall forward at high trafficed road?
What I jumped of this bridge?
What if I just died here and now?
Would it not be for the better?

I wish to understand myself,
But where do I begin?
And how would I ever be able to end it all?
I mean, I'm just a normal person,
With a dark secret..

söndag 2 mars 2014


It seems like I once had a connection with you.
A faint bond, decaying strings.
A dying feeling you said.
Holding secrets for me.

It feels like the listener is deaf.
And the speaker is mute.
We are not getting anywhere.
Not anymore.

With each passing day,
I am succumbing to the shadows,
And you seem to forgotten me along the way.
I did expect it to come to this,
But still I can't really accept it.
But what choice do I have. 

fredag 28 februari 2014


Time can destroy but also heal.
Fear can kill but still rescue you.
Wounds will hurt like hell, but it remind you.
You are alive.

Soon enough will someone find me.
A survivor.
A broken warrior.
A lost soul looking for a home.

Until then I just need to get stronger.
Keep it together.
Remember what I am waiting for.
Turn the other cheek,
To those who leave me.

I will get through this..
I will..

torsdag 27 februari 2014


I have no words for the moment.
Nothing to write about, nothing to feel.
Time itself moves as always, but I stand still.
I have no reason to move on. 
Or I don't see the reason atleast..

Back when I was younger, this would freaked me out.
End up crying in the corner for hours.
But back in reality, a long sigh is what would come out.
The world moves on without me.
And I don't see the reason to catch up.

Maybe something is missing, maybe not.
It dosen't really matter anyway.
I won't change the fact that I am more dead than alive.
As said, I don't have a reason.

You get used to depression.
To pain and torment.
To what ever you suffer from.
Start living with the fear on your back,
And that's okay.




måndag 24 februari 2014



It takes time to see. It takes time to notice.
And I have always been a bit slow at these things.
Ofcourse it would only be a moment before I realise but,
It's hard to accept loneliness.

It's not a choice, and it irritates me.
It annoys me that everyone seems to turn the head and walk away.
Won't listen, won't answer, won't see.
I guess it is only right to blame myself,
I mean, something wrong must I have done.

I am used to hated, I am used to be bullied, I am used to be thrown away.
But I am not used to be left alone.
Where do you turn, when your friends don't see you?
Or where do write, when no one reads?

Ah, I feel lonely.
But I guess I just need to deal with it!
in my own way..


söndag 23 februari 2014






These years have been a theif.
They have taken what mattered the most to me.
My confidence, my mood and my ability to even speak.
But mostly, my feelings for the one I loved the most.

I adapted, became someone to survive.
Changed my behavior, my looks.
I forgot my name, my place in this world.
Ironic, but I never forgotten hers.

Somewhere deep inside,
I knew I had to keep her there.
Inside my memories she couldn't get hurt.
She would never be able to take harm from me again.

Still, I have a little metal box,
With letters and memento's from her.
I keep them close, because it is the closest to love I ever will be.
And I hope she know, even if she feels all alone in this world.
There is someone out there.
Having a thought about her.
Hoping she is doing okay.






lördag 22 februari 2014

My secret? I carry a light stronger than any hate you given me.

I am struggle to be one of many.
I fight to become one of society.
I get strangled by my own anxiety.
Trying to find a light in this poetry.












onsdag 19 februari 2014



I wish for a dream, one about love and fate.
Becuase I am loveless and don't have any faith.
I wish for heat but inhales the smoke.
I wish to talk with someone, yet I only hear my own whispers.
I wish to be seen, but feel ignored.

I may be greedy.
But what are you suppose to go,
When the world doesn't care?
Still,
I like to close my eyes and pretend.
Nights next to someone.
That maybe cares.

I tend to get a bit lonely.
I tend to do stupid decisions.
But I can't really change reality,
So I like to pretend.
That you still see me.

My ressurection into your arms.
A kind of freedom I have forgotten a long long time ago.
Still the city moves on.
the sound of thousands of peoples minds.
And yet, I am only able to see you.
Hear you.
Think of you.

I wish I could see what little I wonder.
The save and protect what little I care for.
Even if it's just to stand next to her.
See her fight her battles.
And be there when everything is over.
To be able to be,
Just what you need.

Our love for eachother is a bit transparent.
We can't always see it, But we know it's there.
Lying, waiting.

If anything,
I wish to see the stars together again.
They remind me alot of you.
My own constellation.
That's you.


tisdag 18 februari 2014



Kisses could kill back then.
A simple touch where a masochistic torture.
Shame-less nights ended in pleasure screams or unbearable silence.
Our love became a poison we drank for months.

Depression sinking in.
Fighting with teeth and claw.
Violence became a second partner.
Killing everything we actually loved.

Break.
Everything ends at some point.
Make it through on our own.
Seeing things in another perspective.
Seeing other persons.

We have heard the warning bells,
And death have taking his toll.
So just shut up and kiss me.
And let us see the end together again.





måndag 17 februari 2014


I love you.
And I have done it as long as I can remember. 
You are not like others. Never was and never will be.
After all these years, you still make me feel the butterflies inside me.
The sweet voice of yours make me shiver as you whispered.
"I love you dear"

I still remember drawing my finger through you smooth long hair. 
To the point I reached your neck.
And as you quivered by such a simple touch.
And I leaned over and kissed your lips so gently.

Next to you my problems seemed so distant.
I felt needed and loved for the first time in my life.
Our broken glas pieces fitted so perfectly.  
As a puzzle made long before we even met. 

When you slept next to me and I felt your small breath against my chest.
The warmth of your heart, your soul. 
I used to stroke my finger over your cheek, Just to know you were there for sure.
And if you accidently woke up, we would just stare at eachother.
And I promise you, I could look into those blue eyes for hours.

I love you.
And it's not like a petty little romance. I have known this for years.
This is what real love is, where time and space doesn't matter anymore.
Even if we came to the point of hating eachother.
I know somewhere deep within us, we would still end up close to one another.
I wish you would knew this. You almost need to understand this.

There is nowhere in this world I would rather be,
Than next to you again.







I want to go,
Leave this place behind.
Fly across ocean,
Over the mountains.

I will become one with the earth.
And emerge on the plains of eternity,
To be greeted where the sky meets the seas.
A clear refelction.
Purity.

I won't feel any sorrow,
Nor pain or reality.
I will be free,
The only dream I ever had.

The warmth of the sun,
A small breeze through my hair.
As you take my hand,
And lead me home.

fredag 14 februari 2014


If I could make my heart beat again,
It would be for you.
If I ever could change the way the story goes,
I would rewrite it for you.
But my heart would still beat,
With a small lingering heat.

The day will run red,
And I will remember my own solitude.
The body will crumble and crack.
For the feelings it lack.

But only you will know my love,
Who I sought,
And what I fought.
Heart ache and flowers in decay,
On this lonely valentine's day.


onsdag 12 februari 2014


Just ordinary.
Nothing special.
Not even something that stands out a bit.
You would not recognize,
Nor would you care.

It's like a thick smoke infront of me,
My goals and everyday life.
I get caught coughing,
watery eyes.
But for some reason,
It seems like I am the only one,
Only one seeing it..

And as always,
You just can't smile.
Even if you are laughing and having fun,
Something deep within reminds you.
"You are not allowed cheerful times"
One last thought,
Before a ocean of darkness swallows you.
Drowning your mind.

Becomes cold without a reason.
And everything you actually wants,
Is open arms to rest in for a while.
But why would anyone notice?
When I am not able to ask for help?

måndag 10 februari 2014


Ge mig inte den blicken,
Du vet mycket väl varför jag står framför dig.
Hjärtat startar revolution.
Och du leder striden.

Trash talking,
Sluta sprid rykten om mig nu.
Jag öppnade upp och sade att jag älskar dig,
Ändå krossar du allt jag stod för.
Hatade förstånd och poesi,
Elda upp känslor från en forna tid.

Vad är det för att fel att drömma?
Berätta för mig varför du hade rätt att sparka mig där jag låg?
  Jag skrattar åt idioti och hånar filosofi.
Estetik på en jävla hög nivå,
Jag ska måla över dina sår du gav mig!

Hissa flagorna och sjung min sång,
Och se mig i ögonen en sista gång.
Du som är blott en skugga,
Av mig nu.



söndag 9 februari 2014

torsdag 6 februari 2014


Vi ger bort det vi inte har i vårat ägo. 
Samt sjunger våran klagosång för det som tas ifrån oss.
Älskling, gå i krasch,
Och slit sönder mig där jag står.
Nu har vi skapat en tragedi,
Sätt nu på repeat.

Jag kvävs på min egna ångest,
Då jag aldrig lärde mig att spela ditt spel.
Slå dina tärningar och spela dina pjäser,
Du är drottningen som rör dig var du än vill.

Ängeln som aldrig flög igen,
Disciplinerad och vingklippt.
Tröstar sig mot stadig mark,
Men lycka lär du inte finna igen.

Flicka på andra sidan skärmen,
Du förlorar din pojke.
Du dränker honom i din kvarglömda livsvilja.
    


måndag 3 februari 2014


I feel quite nauseous,
Even though I have already thrown up.
My whole body hurts,
It is frail, not a plaything.
The head is still ringing,
Probably a small fracture.

Still,
Bloody lips and cracked skin.
Broken teeth and twisted arms.
All is worth it,
If it was to protect you.

I am still happy,
I was able to do something good in this world.
It brings me a smile,
To know you still stand,
Today.


fredag 31 januari 2014


Let the lit light die,
Screaming for mercy where there is none.
Like a plague spreading though my body,
You can't really escape yourself, can you?

Tears won't help you dear,
You are stuck.
With pictures of death dancing on your grave.
Why can't you accept his laughter?
Because he have missed you for quite the time.

You don't wanna die?
I am sorry darling,
But you don't have a choice,
We are all mad here.
And you are no different.

torsdag 30 januari 2014


Lose sight of life itself,
Spin around and start to run.
Gone missing,
Found two days later.
Led astray,
By snow fallin.

I really feel old my friend,
Like I have been here forever.
Stuck in a loop,
Without a reason to find the way out.
Just keep on breathing.

I am a lost cause darling.
All I see,
Is a crimson sea.
Beyond reckoning.

I know it well,
I am aware of who I am.
Or what I am suppose to be.
Sooner or later,
I won't be able to recover.

söndag 26 januari 2014

lördag 25 januari 2014



The world seems a bit empty,
A missing piece of the atmosphere.
And with this feeling comes a sort of greedy wish,
That you stood right next to me again..

I would say I am a bit melancholy.
Becuase I know you have it better now,
It's just that I miss you quite terribly.
Happiness is all I ever wanted for you.
Yet I just wish I could hear you voice again..

You still mean alot you know?
Though our path probably never cross again.
Dreams do come true,
Even if its just where for a while.

One day you will maybe look here again,
And remember.
We did have a good run,
Didn't we?..

fredag 24 januari 2014


Once upon a time,
I knew a little girl with peculiarly red hair.
She was afraid of the world outside,
"Nothing good will come from such a scary place"
She told me that she was wounded,
And felt that where ever she turned,
There will be a hating gazes against her.

"I to am quite the loss to the world" I told her.
"but I will help you find a path,
A way to get through the never ending days." 
And I promise you, 
Over the years with her,
She taught me more that I ever did to her.

Once I would told you that there is nothing to live for.
But now I know of colours of the sunset,
Music in the night,
Feelings of love and caring.
I may have helped you to care and see the world,
For how beautiful it can be.

But you sculpted me,
Into a fine loving person.
I wouldn't be here today,
If its not for you..

I promise to paint your life in all the colours of the world,
Just as you saved me.






torsdag 23 januari 2014


Missunderstandings and defense mechanism.
Sharp tounges and two broken hearts.
We bare mask to hide from the world.
Yet we forget,
We can see through eachothers.

When did out love for another turn to hate?
When did I start to avoid your words?
When did you start to keep it away from me?
I hurts like hell,
To even see you like this.

I'm so sorry..
I want to set it all right,
As soon as I see a picture of you,
hearing your voice,
Remembering your hand against mine.
Can't we just forget this and go back?

When you asked me
"How about a us then?"
My heart stops for a bit.
"A us would be beautiful"

onsdag 22 januari 2014


Old familiar feelings,
The same kind of warmth.
The tounge stumbles over words,
And it seems the mind can't make a clear decision.
All over some cheesey tunes.
A sting I know all to well.

There is something about your eyes,
Enchanting in a way.
Or maybe it's the your fingers cross my cheek,
It seems like I can feel the heat through the cold winter night.
It is amazing what words can do,
As long as it come from your lips.

A nice change from all the cloudy regrets inside my chest.
To actually be able to breath again.
Fading hate,
And growing love.
Still not sure what to make of it,
But hey,
I will figure it out.


tisdag 21 januari 2014


Natural wonder beyond measuring.
Liquid sky falling from above,
When the world feel enough empathy for you,
Enough to cry in your stead.

It is a calm presence.
A moment of peace in a stressful environment.
It gives me clarity,
A sense of redemtion.
But most of all,
The soothing of my mind.

I wish to wash away pieces of me,
Just trying to forget.
Why it all even mattered once.
Truth be told,
I think it is for the better anyway.

måndag 20 januari 2014


No one will come to help,
You are all alone in the big scary world.
Cut all the tiers of social contact,
Remember that they left you,
You have nothing to tell them.

Hating is so much easier than loving.
Let this  hollow feeling grow,
It's not like you care right?
Everything you do is scripted.
Just to get my help?
fuck off.

The reflection in the mirror,
I have always seen a demon within.
It's insane that it took me this long to understand.
The people around me are the real monsters.
you who ignore me.

I am so broken I can be.
But this time I have the burning flame of hatred,
Lit inside of me.