I have found harmony in my despair.

Ups and downs,

A life of a single human being.

We know both pure happiness,

And the darkest despair.

But now I am locking it all up,

To see another tomorrow. 

Everyone will see my cracks and wounds,

Just as intended.

   They will know what I have been trough,

As one last warning.

Can you feel my heart?

I wish all a happy new year,

With a new start,

To all that is broken.

I will climb higher than before,

And leave everything behind. 

It's my time to take and leave you all behind.

Dear friend, you I loved for years.

You who shared my pain,

Who knew me like the back of your hand.

The one I called soulmate.

Thank you for holding me close,

But there is no future in sight,

And I know you hold me close. 

Because only I understand.

But now, I am going to let go.

I am not needed here any more.

My love, you who have been mine for the last year.

Someone who actually cared.

Someone who saw the real me from behind your glasses.

Thank you for letting me take care of you,

I know you have it hard sometimes,

But I am not needed anymore.

And I am now closing the door back to you. 

I know you will never love me again,

And neither will I do it to you. 

Because I know,

That's what you would have wanted.

My only And real friend.

I know you won't be reading this,

But thank you for listing to me all these years.

I won't speak anymore.

But I am grateful for our time together.

My journey is about to end,

But someone else will take my place,

Tomorrow, you will take my place.

And you will be selfish,

Only to let me survive this time. 

Someday,

I will look back here,

And know I did the right thing.

What about you?

You will never know. 

Some things are better unspoken, But you gave me no choice

I am trying to write, 

The best I can. 

But I don't have the strength nor the words.

Still, I will do my best,

Because you asked me to.

Think this as a letter, 

Page of paper,

Ink splatter and bad writing. 

That's just what it is.

A letter.

One I regret writing.

I will take my leave,

I do not have place to call home. 

I have lost you,

As have you,

Lost me. 

You are going away, 

To a new place, 

New friends, 

A new life.

I am trying harder,

Study what I need.

Becoming who I am suppose to be.

In all this rush,

We lost grip of each other.

I can't hear you voice calling anymore.

Our souls seems to been drifting apart.

Today I understand.

That this was the right choice,

For the both of us.

I won't be seeing you again my friend.

I may as well try, I don't have anything to lose.

Hey,

Don't cry dear.

We are up so late to watch the world.

Watch it change in colours we can't even imagine.

Listen to my heartbeat,

I listen to yours.

We are alike,

Ups and down.

Same eyes,

Same kind of life.

But we have much to learn,

Before we are able to say it.

Let us just take it easy,

Sleep away our problems.

And stay up all night just talking,

Be there for eachother,

Like no one other.

I can see a city flashing by,

What can you see?

Next to me?

Take my hand,

And we can find out.

Memories shattered, bonds are broken, mending takes time.

Broken bones need to be rebuild,

Tears and blood will stop flowing.

Wounds need to be sewn shut.

To build a human being takes time,

But then again,

I have all the time in the world.

One thing I can't replace or build anew though,

Are my memories.

They will either be kept,

Or forgotten.

To be able to live again,

To keep my mind sane.

I'm letting go of you,

Wash everything away.

Erasing memories.

But..

I will alway be there for you,

Even if you are a stranger.

I will be different,

I will be new.

I will be whole this time.

Everything is new, nothing has changed.

Why would it ever be a difference?

I am still who I am.

No matter what people may say.

And when I look down att my scars and bruises,

I just smile,

Thinking,

I am alive.

I am happy that you care for me,

But its not like it is something new.

So dont pretend to care now.

I have been like this forever.

I promise you,

I am able to take care of myself my friend.

I am still bleeding,

But I can walk on.

It still hurts,

But I am able to bear with it.

I will never see tommorrow,

If I hide from it.

I miss you less and less,

I am able to take myself back.

I will dream of a future,

Without you.

They keep telling me I am strong, I'm not sure what they see.

I keep on trying,

To be someone for everyone.

Don't let them fall.

Protect what I love.

Yet,

I fall.

They say strength is something I always had.

"Strong to keep going forward"

"To be able to survive all that happend to you"

For some reason,

I can't see it.

I just did what had to be done.

I hurts alot,

But everything is worth a smile,

to see someone you love happy.

Isn't it what it is all about?

If I am alive?

If I am feeling well?

If I am happy?

It doesnt really matter.

I have already fallen.

No sound could wake me up today.

I feel so exhausted, but at least everything is over now.

The will to exist is leaving me.

No need to try anymore.

Tired eyes moving around the room,

Soon enough,

I will be fast asleep.

No need to worry the world.

My body feels heavy,

And heart aches.

My hands are so numb,

And my eyes are hard to keep open.

My nights are usually full of nightmares.

But for once,

I believe there will be nothing.

Just darkness.

A place  to go away form everything.

I close my eyes,

Letting out a weak sigh.

I know,

Nothing is left now.

Can't you just leave me alone..

Leave me,

Get out of my head.

Go away,

I can't handle this.

It is to much.

I'm losing it,

I can't control myself.

I'm breaking,

I'm shaking.

I'm lost..

Why must you stay,

Where I can't reach you?

Just go..

I guess it's hard to see it like this.

I am lost,

So are you.

Different worlds,

Same kind of pain.

One wants to be alone,

The other needs comfort.

It's hard to see the end of it..

I wish I could talk to you,

Just small words,

To feel needed.

You want acceptance,

From the world,

In another perspective.

We really stand out,

Don't we?

I know it all to well.

Therefore,

I will say this for you to.

I wish it all was better,

I want to be free.

Just be ourselves.

But for now,

We can just stay still,

In each others arms.

Just for a while longer. 

Learn from your mistakes, it's not like I did anything wrong.

We all have been there atleast once.

Our chest burns,

And butterflies in the stomach.

Light headed,

Kinda like a sugar rush.

To meet that special one,

To fall in love.

To know what your place in the world is.

We all have those places.

The people.

The feelings.

But sometimes it just doesnt work,

But why would you start hating for that?

I just don't get it,

Why can't I be happy for them?

The ones who left.

Becuase deep inside,

I know,

Feelings don't go away.

They just hide,

And becomes forgotten.

For now,

For the time being.

I will smile for you,

Even if I am gone.

I will try my best, for the both of us.

I will watch over you,

Take away all the pain.

I will be your light,

No need for you to walk in the darkness.

I will be your helping hand.

You should be happy when you have the chance.

Please stop hurting yourself,

Love who you are,

Becuase I do.

I will bleed it out for you.

Every cut and every bruise,

Let me be your sheild.

I am like a shadow in your steps.

The air you breath,

The heartbeat in your body.

Please,

Live the life you want.

I will take all of your fears.

I will cry it all out,

For the both of us.

Have you ever felt my insanity?

I fight for what I believe in.

I sacrifice much for what I love.

I became who I am,

To protect what I hold dear.

But what happens,

When these reasons rip you apart?

What will happen,

When your skin tears apart?

And you can't recover anymore?

It scares me,

What words can do to my fragile mind.

Or even worse,

What I can do against my body.

It is ridiculous,

How easily I die.

A second chance, let us stay for a while.

The snow have started to fall,

And the days flies by.

Soon enough,

It will be six years.

Six years ago I meet you.

A long journey,

With pain and suffering.

But it was worth it,

I felt happiness.

And what true love meant.

We have grown,

Into something beautiful.

And I promise you,

We will make it trough.

I will make you smile.

Chained by fate,

I will light up your darkness.

Wipe away your tears.

Stay by your side,

Until you are able to see,

See yourself the way you want to be seen.

Where do I go when everything disappears?

Im so cold.

So hollow.

Empty.

I have no where to go anymore,

No place to call home.

I am losing my faith.

It aches inside,

And I feel like crying.

But for some reason,

I just can't.

I have nothing to show,

Emotions don't exist.

Just now,

I just want to breath.

I want to lay down,

And fade away.

How does it feel?

I am so tired.

I want to sleep..

"What is an angel to you?"

Your words finally came.

After such a long time,

I was able to get you to write to me.

Words from the heart,

Those I am used to.

Its hard to write about things,

Especially my feelings for you.

Because they are absolutely everywhere.

But I want you to be able to understand.

No one have ever been able to change my life as much as you did.

You still do it from time to time,

I know you are not able to see it.

But our little conversations means alot to me.

You may be another person now,

But your eyes are the same,

I know how to make you laugh.

I know what makes you cry.

How to hold you,

How to be someone you need.

If I ever get married, It is you and you know it.

If I ever die, It will be at your side.

I miss you, so much.

Becuase, you are the only angel in my life.

Have you ever thought about it? A second chance I mean.

The world seems so distant.

Like nothing really matter anymore.

But I guess the world is just to big,

For such a small being like me.

At this timeless hour,

I feel at home.

My head against the window,

And my thoughts far away.

The stream of light from outside,

Cheerfully playing with the shadows at my lap.

Ice is building up against the glass.

But its not cold nor warm.

Just a moment of silence.

Stillness.

You know,

When we talk, 

It makes me wonder.

If we where close from the beginning.

Maybe.

I guess I just miss the hours,

When we where timeless.

We are soulmates.

Flickering lights,

Calls from the past.

The wounds,

The scars.

I know them all.

The other side of a coin.

The light in the dark.

The warmth in winter.

Me, myself.

Us.

Everything you do,

I feel.

Every thought you think,

I thought of.

All that you have done,

I know.

Everything I do,

Is for you.

Even if its hard right now,

I know,

I know what you are going through.

Our hearts are connected.

They beat as one.

We sleep in the same dreams.

And sees the same sky,

As always.

I'm still here,

Waiting for you.

because if there is something,

I can't let you go.

Soon enough, The shadows engulfs us.

To act without thinking.

To let go of your feelings.

Let your inner self deal with everything you hate.

Become the animal we actually are.

Murderer. 

Somehow, 

I am happy,

To be able to hate you.

My mind was broken, my nightmares became real.

Crawling.

Deep within.

blackened the heart,

Kills who I am suppose to be.

The demons inside has awaken.

I am dying.

No humanity left,

Game over.

I am already giving up.

All I see,

Is red.

The truth is,

It was just a matter of time,

Before this would happen.

All I needed,

Was a little push.

Darkness take me, the world have abandoned me.

These stiches can hold me togheter anymore.

Slowly,

Everything I knew died.

And the hope of being okay,

Withered away.

Voices so cold,

Rips apart the little of sanity I have.

And If I close my eyes,

Im not sure I will be able to open them again.

panic.

No time to breath,

No time to live.

Just leave me alone.

Go away.

Come back another day.

When the time comes, you won't recognize me.

The more I try to survive,

The world decide to bring me down.

Everything around us is pain at some level.

And this is about it,

How much shit I can carry.

Before I break.

All this evil.

All this hate,

It leave marks.

Wounds across my body.

Brings out the worst of me,

And the end of us.

It hurts.

Alot more than I thought.

I am broken.

Nothing left to see.

Nothing more to be.

My only thoughts are simple.

When do I end this torment?

Vi får skylla oss själva.

När allt kommer omkring,

Så står vi närmast,

Till dem som är längst bort.

Kärleken blir så stark.

Och den man älskar så mycket,

Blir tillslut till avund,

Till hat.

Ett misstag vi har sett förut.

Men som vi nog aldrig kunde vända oss ifrån.

Och efter alla känslor vi har känt,

Hat, sorg, förtvivlan, desperation, glädje, lycka, kärlek, hopp.

Så står vi här,

I tystnad.

Utan ord.

Står vi här,

Ett tag till.

I am tired of all your lies.

Why do you ask?

Well, because it was decided a long time ago.

You already know why dear.

You shouldn't bear it all by yourself.

Hush my dear, no reason to cry.

It takes time to realise,

To see what you are capable of.

Where can I draw a line?

And how long can I go?

Without trying to be there for you?

My heart aches to see you condition becoming worse.

Just the thought of you being alone,

Tear my soul apart.

To make everything even harder,

I am incapable of reaching you.

To not be able to comfort.

The one piece of me,

I love.

Hush my love.

There is no reason to be alone.

Hammock – I Can Almost See You

Frihet, en öppen värld ligger framför oss.

Du har möjligheten att vara den du vill.

Chansen att skapa den vägen du önskar.

Följa stigarna som ligger framför dig.

Få den du vill att se dig som du vill.

Imorgon, då sjunger vi tillsammans.

Texter från en förlorad tid. 

För idag ska vi bara känna vinden emot vår hud.

Tag varandra i händerna,

Och vara lyckliga,

Som aldrig förr.

Jag välkomnar dig med öppen famn.

Även om du må vara sjuk, förstörd eller nere.

Alla har en chans att bli bättre.

Få känna sig älskade,

Då och då.

Samma gamla dröm.

Vi vet inte när vägen tar slut,

Men vad gör egentligen det?

När man har varandra.

I am strong, I will make it through this.

Eminem – Love The Way You Lie

Message To Bears – Almost Faded

Gamla foton och gamla texter.

Från en barndom jag knappt minns.

Tiden rinner fortare än vad vi kan förstå.

Att hitta det man en gång kände,

Det är så svårt att tänka sig att det var jag en gång i tiden.

Och hur lycklig jag egentligen var.

Brev om kärlek, om godtrogenhet och vem man egentligen var.

Ideal om hur den perfekta människan var skapad.

Att det var så simpelt, en avbildning av dig.

Då man kämpade till den sista droppen blod,

Som pumpade runt i mina ådror.

Att maskindrivet hjärta,

Var sig du hade nyckeln till.

När man var älskad, så betydde inget annat något mer.

Att verkligen kunna se in i dina ögon och förstå.

Jag är något mer än en vanlig människa.

Jag var din.

Jag var så naiv, så lättlurad.

Samtidigt så stark.

Att överleva ensamheten, i ett lyckligt förhållande.

Nu när jag ser tillbaka över våra minnen,

Så tror jag vi äntligen kan släppa taget.

Gamla bilder jag en gång gjorde,
Jag minns den lycka du gav från sådana gåvor.
Låt mig ge dig en sista bild.
Från din andra halva. 

Sjung med mig, en sista gång.

En dag,

Mötte jag alla världens färger.

Ljuset från solnedgången,

Samt värmen av den sista strålen ljus.

Världen ändrade form,

Och jag var mig inte lik.

Någon dag,

När jag är hel igen.

Ska jag se dig.

Någonstans,

Har jag ett minne av dig än.

Jag tror på det.

En natt som denna,

När regnet slutar droppa.

Kommer jag finna ett ord,

För just dig.

Någonstans,

Här och nu.

Tappar jag taget om dig.

Och det är nog,

För det bättre.

Thoughts about you isn't all that bad.

I feel tired of this reality.

I remeber days when things didn't matter.

Or when time didn't have such a hurry.

A moment ago,

Everything was a bit easier.

It was okay,

Okay to not be perfect.

The world is a hollow places.

Hard to get a grip of whats real and not.

Dark days without any light,

Or sleepless nights from the city lights.

Irony.

We let out a sigh,

Just laying or head against eachother.

Trying to just,

Be ourselves,

In a harsh world.

I barely recognize you.

Still I know you to well.

The other side of the coin,

My better half.

My soulmate.

Who would have thought,

That trivial feelings from a teenage love.

would grow into something so endless.

Something I can't really describe with words.

More than a starlit night.

Who are we if not right to be.

Two wandering souls,

Trying to find our own way.

I miss you.

Why won't I listen?

As her voice fades,

I lose my spirit,

My control over emotions.

The last salvation,

And I didn't take it..

Det känslor jag en gång visade.

Börjar sakta men säkert att dö ut.

Det tar tid, men sakta inser du.

Jag är blott ett minne i det som var.

För dig så försvinner jag utan ett spår,

Ett problem mindre att ta itu med.

Jag klandrar dig inte.

Du, gå inte här ifrån.

Det är kanske inte som förr.

Tiden ändras och inget är sig likt.

Men du behöver inte gå,

Du kan stanna,

Här.

Här får vi leva,

Tillsammans,

Med alla,

Och ingen.

Jag avskyr att må så här.

Det kanske kommer en förändring.

När hoppet är slut, le och lämna allt bakom dig.

Bo Kaspers Orkester – Dansa på min grav

Jag har lärt mig att hos mig själv,

Finner jag det lugnet jag behöver.

Jag har funnit att världen är kall,

Och den enda värme jag kan lita på,

Är mitt egna hjärta.

Vad gör det att människor inte ser vad de hade,

Innan jag är borta.

I need to go for the time being I said with a smile.

Sia – Breathe Me

Andas,

Ta djupa andetag.

Stampar i takt med högra benet.

Jag är nervös.

Klockan tickar,

Högt.

Mörkret ligger tätt och regnet öser.

Jag är stressad.

Stå i kö till nya saker.

Himlar med ögonen.

Jag är osäker om detta var rätt.

Jag är rädd.

Att försöka förstå sig på Psykologi.

Huvudet värker.

Att svara på frågor,

Jag har inga svar.

Okända ansikten.

Känner mig utpekad.

De analyserar mig från topp till tå.

Jag känner mig naken.

Efteråt ligger ett slags tillstånd över mig.

Tystnad.

Tysta steg hemåt. 

Jag suckar tungt.

Breaking Benjamin – Forget It

Lugnet kommer efter stormen,

Med en djup suck stängs ögonen.

Det som en gång gjorde ont,

Läker sakta men säkert.

Även om jag inte har viljan,

Så hänger ett löfte över mig.

Något som inte går att bryta,

Något som är ovärderligt.

Svagt leende på läpparna,

Tar vi hand i hand,

Och strövar sakta framåt.

Mot något,

Vi en gång hade.

I am a mess, deal with it..

Everything falls down,
Breaks.
Everyone lies,
Takes everything.
Everybody forgets
Turns away.

My heart is pumping so hard.
And my fingers crawls under my skin.
Grinding teeth,
Staring into nothing.
I feel so betrayed..

My throat are so sore,
My eyes hurts.
And breathing is complicated.
The hands infront of me,
Wants to destroy everything they sees.

Whats wrong?
How are you?
Would I be able to answer these questions?
When you don't give me the chance to even open my mouth..

I am awake,
Just waiting for the chance to make it better.
But I am talking to myself,
Alone in the dark..

I wish I didn't feel hatred,
But even I,
Do so..

Sigur Ros – Var

Det var en gång att han litade på andra.

Det var en gång han hade vänner.

Det var en gång han kände sig trygg,

I att faktiskt vara sig själv.

Det var en gång att han älskade henne.

Det var en gång då han gav allt för henne.

Det var en gång han dog för henne,

Men hon märkte inte det.

Det var en gång då allt var bra.

Det var en gång då allt gick över styr.

Det var en gång då raseriet bubblade över,

Och han blev ett monster.

Det var en gång då han inte kände sig besviken.

Det var en gång då han inte kände sig sviken.

Det var en gång då han var sig själv,

Men nu låter hon inte honom vara det.

Det var en gång då han trodde på sig själv,

Men det ändrade hon på. 

How did we get here? When I used to know you so well?

Remember who you actually are.